


home

by lipsstainedbloodred



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Archived From Tumblr, Fluff, M/M, Secret Santa Fic, archived from cigarettesmokeandexyracquets blog, long distance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 09:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17040833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lipsstainedbloodred/pseuds/lipsstainedbloodred
Summary: home is not a place, it's people.





	home

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted Jan. 29, 2018 to cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Neil’s apartment is a little hole in the wall efficiency, barely larger than the bedroom of his old dorm back at Palmetto. The water in the shower never runs hot enough and the paint is peeling from the kitchen wall but it’s clean and it’s his so Neil doesn’t complain. He knows in less than a year he’ll be able to afford something twice as big, as long as he doesn’t blow it his first season as a striker for the Chicago Whirlwinds. There’s only one window, curtain-less with a stunning view of the brick building next door, and Neil props it open with a stack of books so he can light a cigarette. The window never stays open on it’s own, but Andrew promised to look at it in a few weeks when he comes to visit. 

Andrew’s own apartment is on the other side of the country, two blocks from the Seattle stadium where he plays goalie for the Stormcats. Neil’s only been to it twice but it’s much nicer than what Neil has here. It has a real bookcase, for one, taller than Neil and stacked full of books that Neil is sure Andrew has never bothered to touch or read. The lights don’t flicker when the wind gets too rough, and Andrew’s full glass shower heats up rather nicely. 

Neil flicks ash out the window and thinks, ‘ _I should get a plant or something_.’ Anything to get rid of the crushing weight around his heart and lungs that screams Andrew’s absence. 

Years of living in each other’s back pockets has lead to this. He had thought that his last year at PSU would have prepared him but captaining his Foxes and spending time with Robin hadn’t allowed for him to miss Andrew. Now he feels Andrew’s absence acutely, like a phantom limb, an ache he can never quite soothe. Neil stubs out his cigarette against the cracking brown paint of the window sill and drops the butt into an ash tray on the desk to the side of the window. 

He leaves the window open and crawls into bed, plugging in a string of white lights he’d pinned haphazardly to the wall at Andrew’s suggestion. He falls asleep with a pillow tugged to his chest and white twinkle lights flickering softly and leaving his sullen room bathed in their weak glow.

-

The morning sun creeps in lazily through Neil’s open window, bathing him in it’s gentle sunrise warmth. Neil wakes up in stages, refusing to move from the warmth he has cocooned around himself in the sheets that Andrew bought for him until his phone rings on the nightstand in a familiar song that croons about runaways. Neil curls his hand around his phone and brings it under the blankets with him, swiping his thumb across the screen to answer and seeing Andrew’s unimpressed face taking up a majority of the screen. Facetime had been Neil’s only way to cling to sanity after Andrew left, knowing that just hearing Andrew’s voice wouldn’t always be enough after a nightmare left him heavy and panic ridden. Neil had bought their matching iPhones and gifted Andrew’s to him at his graduation. 

“Good morning,” Neil says, voice rough and gritty from sleep.

“You have a cowlick,” Andrew says.

Neil doesn’t bother running a hand through his mess of bed head curls and instead coughs out something that might have been a laugh, “I just woke up.”

“Lazy,” Andrew says, light and almost fond, “It’s already after seven.”

“I stayed up late,” Neil says, “How was your game?”

“He says, as if he didn’t watch it,” Andrew says and the screen bumps and shifts as Andrew gets up from his bed. Neil knows the routine by now, Andrew will head into his kitchen to get his coffee and read the paper and sometime during that Neil will be expected to heave himself from his bed to make his own coffee. It helps get them both out of bed sometimes, knowing they have a routine, and it makes something soft warm up inside Neil’s chest. 

“Tell me about it anyway,” Neil says.

There’s a soft padding from Andrew’s end, bare feet plodding across hard wood flooring, and then the sound of Andrew rummaging through his cabinets. Neil imagines him stretching up on his tip toes to reach his coffee filters and smothers his smile in his blanket. 

“We won,” Andrew says eventually once he has his coffee started brewing.

Neil hums in acknowledgement.

There’s silence from Andrew’s end until he finally gives a begrudging sigh and Neil sees him roll his eyes. “It was closer than I would have liked it to have been. I’m sure Kevin will text you later with the play by play. Jacobs could have lost it for us with that foul in the last two minutes.”

“The save you made against Kevin in the last three seconds was beautiful,” Neil says, “He was so pissed.”

The small smile that curves Andrew’s lips is smug. Neil’s heart stutters a little at the sight.  _I miss you_ , Neil thinks and he aches with it. 

“Hey,” Andrew says and Neil focuses back on him, “Three more weeks.”

“Yeah,” Neil breathes and scrubs a hand over his face, “Yeah I know.” 

“We can do this,” Andrew says.

Neil closes his eyes and nods. Doing so means he misses the contemplative look Andrew gives him before they say their good-byes.

-

“You know I make a point of staying out of your personal life,” Neil’s Captain, Rachel Ho, says over drinks ten days later, “but you’ve been really withdrawn lately and I’m worried about you.”

Neil swirls his glass of whiskey and swallows down the reflexive ‘ _I’m fine_ ’ like vomit. “It’s just…” Neil hesitates for a second, chewing on the inside of his cheek, “I’m just missing someone a lot right now.”

“Girlfriend?” Rachel asks instantly and then makes a face, “Sorry, that’s- invasive and also really heteronormative. You don’t have to answer that.”

“It’s fine,” Neil says and sips his whiskey slowly. 

Rachel nods and taps her fingers against her glass as awkward silence falls between the two of them. “We can talk about it,” Rachel offers after a minute, “If you want.”

“Um,” Neil sets his glass down on the little glass coffee table Rachel’s wife bought the two of them for their last anniversary. “Yeah, I think maybe I do.”

“It’s long distance I’m guessing?” 

“Yeah. We agreed to the distance, and I’m actually closer now than last year when I was still in college, but…it’s just harder than I thought it would be.”

“Have you two talked about this?”

“Yes, and we visit each other when we can, but he plays for Seattle and I’m here and our schedules don’t always line up well.”

Rachel makes a sympathetic noise, “Amara and I went through something similar the first couple of years we were together. She was still in law school and I had just started out in the pros. We’d sometimes go months without seeing each other, days without even talking to each other. I was a complete mess.” Rachel sets down her drink and continues, “It felt like I’d lost a limb, like I’d never recover from it. Sometimes I thought maybe it’d be easier if we just broke up and tried seeing different people.”

“Easier doesn’t mean better.”

Rachel smiles, “No, it doesn’t. I thought Amara was going to wring my neck just for suggesting it.”

“What did you do?”

“The same thing you’re doing now. I talked to my Captain. I made friends with my teammates. I took up painting as a hobby and got a pet fish. I found things to fill my time and learned to live by myself. It’s not easy, but like you said, easier isn’t always better.”

“Thanks Rachel,” Neil says and then takes a breath, “It’s Andrew, by the way, if you wanted to know.”

“Minyard?” Rachel asks in surprise, “Huh.”

Neil nods and rubs the back of his neck with his hand. Silence falls between them again until Neil says, “If I wanted to go to the animal center on Sunday, would you want to go with me?”

Rachel grins, “Of course.”

-

Her name is Snowball, which Neil finds to be completely uncreative for a giant fluffy white cat. She’s four years old and sweet as cotton candy with bright blue eyes and half her left ear missing. He spends most of his Sunday afternoon in the pet store, stocking up on cat food, toys, and a scratching post. Rachel carries the cat in her arms through the store and picks out two collars and a harness for her in the Chicago Whirlwinds colors.

Neil finds two collar tags, one a simple oval and the other in the shape of a star, and says“I think I’m going to change her name.”

Rachel scratches behind the cat’s chin and she purrs, even drooling a bit on Rachel’s arms, “What are you thinking?”

Neil hesitates for a second before typing K I N G into the name tag engraver. “King,” Neil says as the laser etches the name into the tag, “King Fluffkins.”

Rachel laughs and Neil knocks his shoulder against hers but gently, not enough to disturb King where she’s nestled in Rachel’s arms. “I like it,” Rachel says, “It’s dramatic, like you.”

-

“What is that?” Andrew asks over their next FaceTime call, staring pointedly where King has made herself comfortable on the pillow next to Neil’s head. 

“She’s a cat, Andrew,” Neil says, “I’m sure you know what cats are.”

Andrew levels him with a dangerous look that Neil blows off by sticking his tongue out at him making Andrew snort. “I didn’t know you liked cats,” Andrew says.

“Yeah, well,” Neil shrugs. He doesn’t tell him that his apartment feels big enough to swallow him whole most days. He doesn’t say that he misses Andrew so hard his body aches with it, that it physically pains him to be away from him for so long. He doesn’t have to say anything, Andrew already knows.

“She’s not sleeping on the bed when I get there,” Andrew warns after a moment of silence.

King stretches out a paw and gently taps at Neil’s face, as if teasing Andrew that she can touch when he can’t. Neil gently pushes her leg away and runs a hand through her fur, feeling more than hearing her answering purr. “I know,” Neil says belatedly, “She has her own bed.”

“Then why, pray tell, is she sleeping with you?”

“It’s easier,” Neil says honestly, “I don’t like sleeping alone.”

Even through the crappy iPhone pixelation Neil can see Andrew’s jaw clench, the tightness between his eyes. It’s gone as quick as it came, Andrew’s face smoothing back into stone faced apathy, but for a flash Neil saw it and knew. Andrew surprises him with his own bite of honestly by saying, “Yeah, I don’t either.”

Neil’s eyes widen in shock before he clears his throat. “Well, maybe we should get you a cat too,” Neil says.

Andrew snorts. “Over my dead body,” He says.

King finally starts to get impatient with the call, wrapping her paws around Neil’s arm and biting very gently at his hand and licking it. She rubs her chin along the clean skin and mews before starting the cycle over again. “I think she’s hungry,” Neil says, “I better go so I can feed her.”

“Fine,” Andrew says, “I know when I’m not wanted.”

Neil laughs.

-

The day before Andrew is scheduled to arrive Neil feels almost frantic with the energy buzzing under his skin. He cleans his apartment top to bottom twice and goes for a run but he still can’t get rid of the nervous energy he’s got running through him. He comes back from his run and showers, King nosing her way through his dirty clothes before hopping up on the toilet to wait for him to finish. 

“I miss him,” Neil tells King through the soft pattering of water. He can tell her things, sometimes, the stuff that’s hard to say out loud, “It feels like I’m falling apart.”

He hears motion from the other side of the curtain and then King’s sweet face is nosing in between the shower curtain and the plastic liner. She chirps up at him and sits, in his sight and in his reach but not touching or asking to be touched. Neil’s throat suddenly feels swollen tight and he blinks rapidly to clear his vision, pretends it’s just water on his face when he knows damn well it’s probably not and shuts the water off. He steps out of the shower and finds a towel, King’s little tongue lapping at his feet and legs the second he steps onto his bath mat. When he’s dry and clothed in his softest sweatpants and one of Andrew’s shirts he picks King up and cradles her to his chest like an infant. 

“Thanks,” He tells her softly and she purrs, rubbing her chin along his collar bone before jumping down and heading to the kitchen so he can feed her. “Oh I see,” He says, “You’re just using me so you can get your tuna fix.”

She winds herself around his legs while he fixes her dinner and doesn’t stop pestering him until he sets her bowl down on the floor and sits down on the floor next to her. King ignores him until she’s finished her diner, then she lays down at his feet. 

Neil blinks slowly back at her and he lets the time pass by like that, watching King roll onto her back before darting across the room to one of her toys. He eventually gets up long enough to get a laser pointer and her feather on a stick toy but sits himself back down on the ground to play with her.

King runs over and butts her head against his leg before darting off to chase the point of light he shines on the opposite wall. He’s in the middle of making King jump from the window to the kitchen counter when the front door lock turns and the door opens. 

Neil stands abruptly, startled, but he’s frozen in place when he sees Andrew shutting the door behind himself and locking it back into place. Andrew turns to face him and says, “You’re absolutely covered in cat hair.”

“Shut up,” Neil says automatically and then crosses the room. He reaches out to touch Andrew’s hair but waits until Andrew gives him a nod of approval, when he does Neil threads both of his hands into Andrew’s hair. “I thought you weren’t coming until tomorrow,” Neil says.

“I got an earlier flight,” Andrew says and pulls him in for a kiss.

It feels impossible, like everything between them always has, and Neil melts into it, letting Andrew’s hands hold him up and hold him together. Andrew pulls away first and Neil huffs out a breath of complaint before attaching his lips to Andrew’s neck.

Andrew grunts and fists a hand into Neil’s hair, tugging him off, “Fucking leech,” He hisses.

Neil grins, “You like it.”

“Let me get my shit put up first at least.”

“You started it.”

Andrew knocks his shoulder into Neil’s, walking past him to set his suitcase on Neil’s bed and put away his things for his week here. For the first time since Neil’s moved in, it finally feels like home.

-

Neil wakes to King’s insistent nudging the next morning, her rough tongue on his neck and her head against his. “Get rid of the cat,” He hears Andrew grumble next to him, “or I will.”

Neil cracks a smile, it’s hard not to when it feels so sunny in his chest. “She’s just hungry, hold on.” 

Andrew huffs and Neil climbs over him, carrying King with him and fixing her breakfast. He kisses her nose and sets her down on the floor, rubbing behind her ears. He stands up and starts making coffee, the sun sprawling in lazily through his cracked and dusty window. With the coffee percolating and King happy to eat and entertain herself for a while, Neil turns to get back to bed. 

His breath catches a little. Andrew, shirtless with the sheets kicked down to his waist, sprawled haphazardly across his mattress with his face buried in Neil’s pillow and the lights Neil has plugged in over his bed dropping beads of light across pale skin in random patterns. Neil’s struck again, suddenly, by how much he’s missed Andrew. 

Andrew turns his head and glares at him from under a fringe of bed head bangs, “What?”

“Nothing,” Neil says.  _‘You’re impossible’,_  Neil thinks. 

Andrew rolls his eyes, “Get back in bed, idiot. It’s too early.”

Neil crawls back into bed and lets Andrew pull him close, a hand curving up his jaw and then back to slide into his hair. “I missed you,” Neil says into the quiet space between them.

Andrew pulls him in for a kiss, and then another, and then another until the world disappears around them and nothing matters except for their lips against one another’s and the warmth between them. They don’t stop until their lips are bruised and Neil’s jaw aches but it’s a discomfort Neil treasures. 

Andrew taps his thumb against Neil’s cheekbone and says, “I missed you too.”

Neil kisses Andrew’s wrist, overwhelmed, and closes his eyes. They don’t get up until the sun is well done with rising, until Andrew’s stomach growls its impatience at being denied breakfast and Neil has to brew a new pot off coffee because Andrew refuses to drink coffee that’s been sitting out. A week from now Andrew will board a flight that will take him back to Seattle, and two weeks from then he’ll send a picture of a three legged black cat that Neil will name Sir. In less than two years they’ll be on the same team, finally living in the same apartment with both of their names on the lease and two cats. But for now Neil rests his head on Andrew’s chest and lets Andrew run his finger through Neil’s hair and over his scars, careful and tender, and for now that’s enough.


End file.
